Giving Thanks

Each November I am kinda of ashamed to say that I get sick of Facebook because of the "Day ____: I'm thankful for ___fill in the blank____." And if she skips a day she will list all the days missed. I almost don't even look at Facebook because of it. Yeah, I know. I'm a scrooge in the making.

Even this year I have a bit of an attitude toward it, but not as bad.  This is a little different for me because I have a lot to be thankful for. No, I'm not doing the daily post. But I do need to shout from the roof top how thankful I am, first of all, to be just be alive. It is by the grace of God that I am here and alive today. On August 23 of this year I went to the emergency room thinking I was going to be diagnosed with West Nile.Instead, I was diagnosed with TTP/aHUS. We had no idea it was going to be a rare blood disease and a 28-day hospital stay with indefinite on-going treatments and many long and short term side effects that would become our new normal.

During this 28-day stay God sent his angels to Keith and me in many different forms. First and foremost through caretakers for our children.  Angie and Josh, his sister and brother-in-law, graciously took our newborn Aubri into their home without hesitation. They cared for night and day without complaint. Not many people would do that for you because one-month old babies are a ton of work!!!!!  Keith's parents took care of Cooper, our three year old, the majority of the time. Bless their hearts. They had the most energetic one of the whole bunch. My cousin Michelle had him some of the time, too.  The big girls were from here to there staying with Carolyn and Marty, Emily and Jason, Chris and Christy, and Keith's parents some, too. I am thankful for friends and family that I know I can count on.

God divinely placed these people in our lives at just the right time to ease my heart so that I did not have to worry if my babies were alright.  My heart did not ache worrying if they were okay because I knew who had them.  Don't get me wrong. I had my moments. But I did not have "days" because God had my heart.  I'm thankful for a loving Father.

Then there were those who randomly showed up at the hospital room like Mark, Mrs. Wanda, Keith, Milton, Bro. Greg, and several others that just made our days a little brighter. Some came and stayed a while. Some came and stayed just a few minutes. Either way, we blessed and are very thankful they came and took the time to minister to us.

I was especially grateful when Mrs. Mary and Mrs. Jane came and prayed with me. See, before I went to the ER, I had to Keith I wanted to call Mrs. Mary and have her come pray with me. She is one of the greatest prayer warriors I know. So when she finally got to the hospital I was just tickled! I am so thankful for the prayer warriors I have in my life.

God blessed us financially as well. Keith was off from his job the entire hospital stay and then some and still some. God has met all our needs and I have full confidence that He will continue to do so long as we continue to obey Him and serve Him faithfully.  He has sent friends and family, as well as complete strangers to help us.  The needs are met in perfect timing...when co-pays are due, when medication is needed, when gas is needed.  God is just good like that.  He tells us not to worry about tomorrow. Stick to today because tomorrow will have enough trouble of its own. Ain't that the truth?  That's all Keith and I can do at this point. We have learned to trust Him in all His ways. I'm thankful for a living God that provides for His children.

Oh, I could go on and on.  I am so thankful for the staff at UMC from the top dogs to the janitorial staff. They were all great. I am thankful for blood donors. I'm thankful for homeschooling. I'm thankful for takethemameal.com. I'm thankful medicine.

Basically, it all comes down to this...I'm thankful for God. He alone gets the glory for this story.  He is the One who orchestrated every second of it. Folks, when you sit down at the table (or when you go around the table and fix your plate like our family does and then go sit wherever you can), be thankful for those around you. You never know what is gonna come next. Say the "I love you's" today.

Unexpected mercy.......

And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

I thought I would drop in to Dirt Cheap for a few minutes to kill some time before I had to pick up the girls from school last spring.  Some things had happened a couple weeks before and I was struggling hard with forgiveness. (This is a topic that I think comes across our hearts on a regular basis if we are honest enough to admit it.) Anyway, I was just not at a point where I was willing to forgive a group of people who had hurt me and my family in a pretty bad way.  Way past the crying stage, anger had already set in.

Cooper and I were making our way through the fifty percent off aisle when I caught a glimpse of a woman of whom I thought looked like my "real" mother (my biological mother...I'm adopted.)  My stomach was doing flips as I quickly made another turn to go down another aisle. A couple minutes later there she was again, and I knew it was here. I said, "Not today, God, not today." He was already speaking to me. He said, "Melissa, Child, today is the day you will let go of all the bitterness and anger you have held toward this woman. She is your mother. She has her faults. But she deserves your forgiveness. You MUST give it to her, just like I forgave YOU." UUGGGHHHH!!!!!  "God, I know. You're right. But not today. I don't feel like it. Not here. Not today. Not now."

Of all things forgiveness was surely on the bottom of my list. I had not even picked up my Bible in a couple of weeks, even though we lived directly across from a church. This was, as a matter of fact, one of the first time I had really spoken to God since all of it had happened. He was reminding me of Mark 11: 25-26...."And whenever you stand praying if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."

I am a very hard-headed person.  He knows this. Again I tried to avoid her by going to another aisle. When I got to the end of this particular aisle, God had his way. As I turned my buggy, here she came around the corner and bumped right into me. Before I knew it I was saying, "Carolyn?" She looked bewildered and said, "Yeah?" I said, "It's me, Melissa." "My daughter, Melissa?"she said as she broke down into tears crying. I offered her a hug and right there in the  middle of Dirt Cheap we had a reunion, tears, snot, and all. She saw Cooper for the first time. I gave her recent pictures of the girls. To my unbelief I even gave her my phone number!

The coincidence of this all (divine intervention) was that it was just before Mother's Day. I didn't even realize it until she mentioned it. When I left out of that store it was like a weight had been lifted off of me. I felt a freedom that I had never felt before.  You see, ever since I figured out that she gave all of her babies (5, maybe more) away, I developed a bitterness toward her. Then when I met her when I was 13 and she took no responsibility for any of whatsoever, I really began to resent her. I could understand one baby, but FIVE!!! And to hear the stories that come with those babies is just heart breaking. And I was a lucky one.

God and His ever-so-perfect timing knew exactly when to teach me the lesson of forgiveness. However, in His wisdom, He did not begin teaching me with the most recent act of hurt that happened. He began with a source of hurt that had long been stirring in my heart. From that many acts of forgiveness were able to happen more freely and more easily.  If I can forgive someone that hurt me the most in my life, then I can definitely forgive the strangers that come in and out of my life.  I have since been able to  forgive those that had hurt by family recently and who had caused much more pain than they ever knew.

I thought that I was "ok." Satan was pulling a good one on me.  He kept telling me all these years that I was right in my thinking and that I was justified. He convinced me that I had forgiven her when in all reality I was just "blowing our relationship off." This is a lesson that I wish each of you could learn from just reading this blog, but unfortunately some of you will have to learn the hard way, like I did.  God's Word says, "Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called 'Today,' lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin." Hebrews 3:  12-13

We in the Bible belt are taught from the womb to forgive others but I'm not sure we are ever shown what it actually looks like. Sometimes we hear the words "forgive and forget", but then the next time someone stumbles the failure is brought up again and again.  God forgives and forgets.  He is not going to bring it up again. However, Satan will remind you of your mistakes and someone else's mistakes so that healing in relationships does not ever take place. Take this advice. LISTEN TO GOD'S WHISPER AND NOT SATAN'S SHOUTING.

Picture taken when she called the number I gave her. Only baby of mine, Aubri, she

 got to come and see. June 27, 2012