Unexpected mercy.......

And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

I thought I would drop in to Dirt Cheap for a few minutes to kill some time before I had to pick up the girls from school last spring.  Some things had happened a couple weeks before and I was struggling hard with forgiveness. (This is a topic that I think comes across our hearts on a regular basis if we are honest enough to admit it.) Anyway, I was just not at a point where I was willing to forgive a group of people who had hurt me and my family in a pretty bad way.  Way past the crying stage, anger had already set in.

Cooper and I were making our way through the fifty percent off aisle when I caught a glimpse of a woman of whom I thought looked like my "real" mother (my biological mother...I'm adopted.)  My stomach was doing flips as I quickly made another turn to go down another aisle. A couple minutes later there she was again, and I knew it was here. I said, "Not today, God, not today." He was already speaking to me. He said, "Melissa, Child, today is the day you will let go of all the bitterness and anger you have held toward this woman. She is your mother. She has her faults. But she deserves your forgiveness. You MUST give it to her, just like I forgave YOU." UUGGGHHHH!!!!!  "God, I know. You're right. But not today. I don't feel like it. Not here. Not today. Not now."

Of all things forgiveness was surely on the bottom of my list. I had not even picked up my Bible in a couple of weeks, even though we lived directly across from a church. This was, as a matter of fact, one of the first time I had really spoken to God since all of it had happened. He was reminding me of Mark 11: 25-26...."And whenever you stand praying if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."

I am a very hard-headed person.  He knows this. Again I tried to avoid her by going to another aisle. When I got to the end of this particular aisle, God had his way. As I turned my buggy, here she came around the corner and bumped right into me. Before I knew it I was saying, "Carolyn?" She looked bewildered and said, "Yeah?" I said, "It's me, Melissa." "My daughter, Melissa?"she said as she broke down into tears crying. I offered her a hug and right there in the  middle of Dirt Cheap we had a reunion, tears, snot, and all. She saw Cooper for the first time. I gave her recent pictures of the girls. To my unbelief I even gave her my phone number!

The coincidence of this all (divine intervention) was that it was just before Mother's Day. I didn't even realize it until she mentioned it. When I left out of that store it was like a weight had been lifted off of me. I felt a freedom that I had never felt before.  You see, ever since I figured out that she gave all of her babies (5, maybe more) away, I developed a bitterness toward her. Then when I met her when I was 13 and she took no responsibility for any of whatsoever, I really began to resent her. I could understand one baby, but FIVE!!! And to hear the stories that come with those babies is just heart breaking. And I was a lucky one.

God and His ever-so-perfect timing knew exactly when to teach me the lesson of forgiveness. However, in His wisdom, He did not begin teaching me with the most recent act of hurt that happened. He began with a source of hurt that had long been stirring in my heart. From that many acts of forgiveness were able to happen more freely and more easily.  If I can forgive someone that hurt me the most in my life, then I can definitely forgive the strangers that come in and out of my life.  I have since been able to  forgive those that had hurt by family recently and who had caused much more pain than they ever knew.

I thought that I was "ok." Satan was pulling a good one on me.  He kept telling me all these years that I was right in my thinking and that I was justified. He convinced me that I had forgiven her when in all reality I was just "blowing our relationship off." This is a lesson that I wish each of you could learn from just reading this blog, but unfortunately some of you will have to learn the hard way, like I did.  God's Word says, "Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called 'Today,' lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin." Hebrews 3:  12-13

We in the Bible belt are taught from the womb to forgive others but I'm not sure we are ever shown what it actually looks like. Sometimes we hear the words "forgive and forget", but then the next time someone stumbles the failure is brought up again and again.  God forgives and forgets.  He is not going to bring it up again. However, Satan will remind you of your mistakes and someone else's mistakes so that healing in relationships does not ever take place. Take this advice. LISTEN TO GOD'S WHISPER AND NOT SATAN'S SHOUTING.

Picture taken when she called the number I gave her. Only baby of mine, Aubri, she

 got to come and see. June 27, 2012