My 9/11 is 8/23 Being A Momma From A Hospital Bed

Only surpassing being the pastor of a small Baptist country church by a few tally marks, being a parent is the most difficult job in the entire world. It is exhausting, yet exhilarating. It is terrifying and trying, yet satisfying and rewarding. There is nothing like it.

 

I never imagined being the mother of four children, yet I am. I also never imagined having to parent my four children from a hospital bed, an hour away, for twenty-eight days straight. That was certainly never in my daydreams as a little girl. Nonetheless, it became a reality on 8/23/2012, the day changed our family forever.

 

I told you in the previous blog post that we dropped the kids off with Keith's sister, Angie. If I had known that was the last time I would hold them without wires and cables hanging out of me, I would have held on forever. I am not sure how many days passed before it was before I actually got to lay eyes on any of them again after I left them that day. My times runs together. I do remember though telling Keith to make sure of "this" and to make sure of "that". I was still trying to be Momma as best I could.

 

When the dust would settle each day, at first, Keith would go over what had happened all throughout the day and who came and called. He would tell me about talking to the kids. He and Shelli seemed to have taken control over my job. They had the little ones all taken care of...Aubri was with Angie and Josh, and Cooper was with his mom and dad. Shelli and Marli were floating all over because Shelli was able to drive. Keith and Shelli knew when one child would be swapping from one location to the other, and they were the ones making the arrangements to make that happen. All I could do was just agree.

 

The first day I was in the hospital, Shelli had teeth extracted and I had to leave her. I could not take care of her. Then time passed, and it was September 6th, the day she was to get her braces. I could not be with her then and I could not take care of her then. All she had was my voice. And all I was the assurance from others that she was okay and doing well. I wanted to go to KFC and get her some mashed potatoes and gravy, but I couldn't. I wanted to give her blue Gatorade, but I couldn't. All I could do was nothing. Just have faith and trust that what I was being told was true. I had to believe that I was doing my job as a mother by sitting still and letting my body "do its thing" so I could get back full force to her. Easier said than done.

 

From my oldest to my youngest, my thoughts hopscotched all day long. I knew without a doubt that Aubri was in the best care. But it just wasn't my care. She was just a tiny baby. Everyday was going to be something new for her, and I wanted to be the one to see it. Aubri was my last baby. I wanted every moment of hers. I didn't want to lose one single coo or roll over or smile. Would she even know my voice when I ever did get to hold her again? But again, God said, "Melissa, if you want her thens, you've got to let me have the nows." I had to let go and trust. I had to let my body heal to a point where I could get back to her so I could have her again, and hopefully many, many more thens.

 

Cooper is just my child that goes with the flow. God blessed him with being a preacher's child early in life, so he is easy. But in my heart of hearts I knew he wasn't going to understand why momma and daddy were gone for so long. And he didn't. I remember the first time they strolled me down to the lobby to see him I was all hooked up to the drip and I had my ports hanging out of my neck. The poor baby didn't know what had happened to his mommy. I'm sure there's a few thousand dollars worth of therapy in our future about that. Coop was real stand-offish. I would be too.

 

And Marli, my Marli, her heart is so tender and can't handle much so she turns toward self. She pretends it's no big deal, but she is really going nuts inside. I wanted to just sit with her and explain to her everything, because all this was just dropped on her like a bombshell. Too much for her to handle. Too much for any of us to handle. She did not want to talk to me much on the phone and didn't want to look at me much when they came for short visits. It hurt, but I understood.

 

Each child has different needs, and even while fighting for life, they needed me in all those ways. I tried to fulfill every request I could. I took every opportunity I could to talk to them. I tried to always be positive but never lie. Yes, I even answered the hard question of "are you going to die?" Well, I don't, but if I do, you can bet your sweet bottom I will be with Jesus tonight. And you should know how much I love each and everyone of you.

 

Shelli and I had some talks about "what if I really did die". That was a tough one to have, yeah. I just told her what I expected of her and how I would like for it to play out. She said okay.

 

The bottom line is the time I spent away from my children physically, I was actually more mentally with them than I ever had been before. Because I was forced to be still and not be busy with world stuff, I had the time to pray over my kids and write letters to them. Plan things out for them. God used this hospital bed vacation as a time for me to focus on my kids and to realize and to re-evaluate where some changes needed to be made. God taught me calmness during this time. I had never experienced a day of calm in my entire life. But through the trials of what my physical body had to endure, I had to be calm or else.

 

Parenting is hard. Period. But I dare not try to parent my children in this world without having been armed with the Word of God. I trusted in that bed that what I was praying for was being heard by God and was being handled. And it was. My kids were perfectly in tact when I came home. and I am so so very thankful for all those that had a part in keep them. I will not name names because my memory fails me. But y'all were my angels. Aside from me never letting go of the Bible and God sending angels to attend my way, those twenty-eight days would have been an epic parent fail.

Guilty as Charged! (Part Deux)

I sure hope the last blog post resonated with you, even if just a little bit. Better yet, I hope it challenged you. A missionary (I'm not sure if I can name him or not for security purposes) in our class challenged us to share the Gospel with at least one person each week. So, I issue that same challenge to you. Pray for those opportunities. You will be astonished who God will place before you if you are willing to be His hands and feet.

 

Now, on to "Part Deux."

 

Sometimes sharing the Gospel with a perfect stranger is as difficult as "a camel passing through the eye of a needle", but for some, when comparing sharing with a stranger to sharing with a family member, it is like giving candy to kid. Family is the most difficult to share with, I believe, for a number of reasons.  Personal example. Apparently, in Keith's high school days he had quite the reputation of being a wild one. Then we met up and got married and he settled down, or slowed down, for a little bit. After a while, old feathers started ruffling and he began to fly again. Then, once he met God, like for real this time, not just a "VBS raise my because everybody else is" kind of salvation, it was hard for people, family, even me, mostly to change their view of him and to accept anything he had to say about Jesus seriously. He tried to share but the skepticism was still present. Poor thing even went to Baptist seminary because he knew God had a call on his life to minister to others and people (family) still would not take him seriously. Why? Because they could not let go of who they knew him to be pre-Jesus. Shelli and Marli still have a hard time giving him authority on biblical matters because of who he used to be.  ***Side note this if free. Let's remember that because Jesus and His Almighty has saved you and has wiped your slate clean, does not mean that these earthly beings can do the same as easily. This is part of the consequences of sin. You must wait on the acceptance and forgiveness. Sorry. You did the crime. You pay the time.

"But Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and in his own house." Now He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief." Matthew 13:57

 

Sometimes it is so hard for us ourselves to let go of our pre-Jesus selves that others will never see the post-Jesus in us. I'm not saying that is the case with Keith, but it is true a lot of the time. Hang-ups are what I'm talking about. Some feel that even though they have been worth the King of King's death on a cross that they are still not worthy to tell of the wondrous story He gave them. Some are still hanging on to a bit of pride that they cannot get past telling that old drinking buddy what Jesus did for them by saving their marriage and family. Some can't get past the what they think others think of them. Some are like Moses and claim the "I can't talk right" excuse. Excuses are endless...afraid of public speaking, afraid of strangers, lack of knowledge of Scriptures..... It ain't rocket science. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid you are going to mess up the Gospel?

 

Let me tell you that you cannot mess it up. It is all the work of the Holy Spirit when salvation is involved. You could speak French with a wad of peanut butter in your mouth and a Spaniard would understand if the Holy Spirit is calling him to salvation! We are just God's tools. We have to get past us and understand it is nothing we do! It is all the work of the Holy Spirit! We give ourselves way to much credit on this salvation business.

 

Or maybe it is that you are one of the one's afraid of rejection? No one likes to get told no, right? Again. They are not denying YOU. They are denying Jesus Christ. Please humble yourself for a split second and realize that first, the Gospel is about sharing Jesus with a soul who will spend eternity in Hell if he does not accept Jesus as Lord and Savior and become His disciple. You are no where in that equation. You are written in the Lamb's Book of Life. (I assume. If not please contact me, I will come to you.)

"He must increase. I must decrease." John 3:30

All we are called to do is plant the seed. The harvest may be ours to see and reap, or it may not. We live in this Western culture where if we do the work, we want to see the results, AND get the credit for it. Well, God does not work that way. He allows us to be a part of HIS work and HE gets ALL the glory and credit. And because we love Him, we delight in seeing His work being accomplished. We delight in doing His work.  

"I delight to do Your will, O my God, and Your law is within my heart." Psalm 40:8

I have watched ones like Keith come out of his past and never hold back to share the Gospel with anyone and everyone. I have watched in awe those with the gift of evangelism like Judy, a dear friend of mine, who can witness the Gospel to someone probably better than Jesus himself could. I have watched children sharing and elderly sharing. Ms. Josie from Kenner is so sweet and if you ever meet her your chances of going to Heaven just tripled. Seeing someone sharing the Gospel is an awesome thing. But to actually be a part of it, well, it is even awesomer! Yeah, I know. So what on the grammar. For someone to really understand that she is totally loved no matter what she has done, or what has been done to her, and to see tears of pure joy trickle out of her eyes, and to hear her say, "Thank you for sharing with me." That's one of those earthly gifts that is priceless that I am pretty positive I may get to carry with me to Heaven.