I Ain't As Crazy As You Think

 I hit the "publish" button Wednesday night, talked to Jesus a little, and then went to sleep. When I woke up Thursday morning, I was afraid to look at my phone. I had no idea what kind of response I was going to face to my post exposing my "worst self." I said a little prayer and prepared my heart and picked it up. To my surprise, I had an overwhelming amount of positive text messages and inbox messages of "thank you's" and encouragements. Some said they could never be so brave as so share that much. Others said my words echo their own. Others told me they thought they were the only ones who ever felt that way.

 

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read each message. I wanted to have a "group" meeting so we could lift each and every burden up to Heaven. But can I tell you what pained my heart even more?  It was the couple of negative (out of I'd say 150 or so positive) comments that I heard through the grapevine. None of these were said directly to me, of course. Comments to the nature of, "Why would she say such things? Those things are to be kept private." Or, my favorite, "Doesn't she know how that makes her look? What must her family think?"  Naturally, I have an answer to those questions or I would have never put it out there in the first place.

 

Three years ago I was ministry leader for Celebrate Recovery here in Brookhaven. CR is a Christ-centered twelve step program that covers a wide range of problems. During that time I came across a Scripture in training one night that opened a new world for me. You see so many times we wonder "why is this happening to me?" I cried out that question so many times to God. And out of the blue, in a meeting, His words jumped off the page and into my heart.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. "  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

 There it is right there! There's my answer to "why me?" It is so that I will learn from God how to make it through the trouble and learn to depend on Him through that struggle. Then I can pass what I learned and how I was comforted along to a person struggling with the same thing. Example: mother loses child to ATV accident. Who knows best her pain than another mother who lost a child to an ATV accident. See my point? So, this Scripture gives me the full go-ahead to share my struggles with depression, suicide, my children, my marriage, my everything, WITHOUT SHAME. I am not doing anybody any favors my keeping God's comfort for myself, and if I keep quiet, He most certainly will not get the glory He so rightfully deserves.

 

And as for keeping quiet, well, there is another answer I have for that, too. My older two girls can testify for me that I have preached to them to never, ever, tried to hide anything from me because eventually it will be found out. Shelli has lived long enough to see that play out through some friends' lives and understands what I've been saying all this time...there are NO SECRETS in this world.

"For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known.  Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops." Luke 12: 2-3

 

And FYI, those are Jesus' words, not mine! They are in red. So, if what He speaks is truth, and I believe it is, then there is nothing that is hidden. It will all come out in the wash as they say. He goes on to tell the disciples who not to fear man but they should really fear Him, the one who has the power over their eternity. And that's right. I am not afraid of what people think, though I do care because I don't want to deter them so much that they don't want to hear what good I might have to say. Let me be clear, though, I am not afraid of gossip or untrue opinions as long as I know that I am ministering the way God wants me. Believe me, I would much prefer the easier life of travel speaking and writing books. Instead, he has me sharing my heart, after the babies are long in LaLa Land, through a blog that may reach a few thousand people.

 

I may be crazy, but I ain't crazy for sharing my heart in order for God to get his glory! If I don't share my struggles, then what it is there purpose? To make my faith stronger. Ok. So make it stronger to sit and do nothing with it? I could ask you many questions and I will always come back to the same answer. I must share my stories and my struggles in order to share my God and how active and living He is in my life. I know this God and this Jesus and this Holy Spirit very intimately. I have spent hours alone with them. They are too good to be kept on a hard pew on Sunday morning. They want to ride with you to your doctor's appointment jammin' out to some LeCrae or Mandissa. Yeah, they can jam.

 

Think what you want to think. But know that what I wrote is not current thoughts. Yes, our life is over-whelming and difficult right now, and it even seems pretty desperate. But this too shall pass and become yet another chapter in the Days of the Lives of the Pedens so we comfort others the way we have been comforted. Hang on my friends, hang on!