My 9/11 Part 3: Life is Short

People tell me often, daily almost, how much I have inspired them through my story. It humbles me every single time because I in no way look in the mirror and see someone who could inspire people. When I look in the mirror, I see a woman that is beaten and worn by the years and is making it daily by God's grace, strength and mercy. But, I do hope in some sort of way I have inspired at least one of you to look at life just a little differently, either at your own or another's.

 

Through this life of mine and especially through the past two years that God has journeyed me down, I have learned a couple of things here and there. One thing I have learned, perhaps the most important, is the gigantic adage, "don't sweat the small stuff." After facing death head on, nose to nose, your perspective changes dramatically. And as a parent,  you learn a tremendous amount of knowledge in what seems like seconds.

 

Before I was diagnosed with aHUS, I was very high strung and orderly (some, well, Keith, says I still am). I had everything together and in its place. I could balance porcelain plates on hands, elbows and knees without dropping a single one all while making dinner and giving kids a bath. After my discharge, I could barely bathe myself much less manage the household like I used to do. A resolution had to come quickly to me, or life at home was going to be disastrous! I prayed for a revelation and as simply as I prayed, I got my answer. "Chill, Melissa. Just chill out. Do what you can. Don't sweat the small stuff. Pick your battles. Keep it simple. Save your energy for what really matters."

 

 I'm learning not to care. For example, I don't care if the house is spotless when someone comes over. Nope. If they know how much we are struggling and how sick we are, and if they don't like the way my house looks, well they are welcome to hire a maid or come do it themselves. Because what I really care about is conserving enough energy to be there for that softball game or soccer game. And if I have to a perfect spotless house, it ain't gonna happen.

 

Let the kids be kids. Maybe it's because I am now the mother of four and have chilled through the years, or maybe it is because through this journey I have learned what is important and what it not. I don't have a panic attack when Cooper flies off the couch or when Aubri falls off the porch. I have learned to let the kids settle their own arguments, for the most part. Aubri is going to get body slammed about two or three more times by Coop and she is gonna get that blonde-haired, blue-eyed big-bully, sweet brother of hers a hit where the sun don't shine. She's getting tough. But I'm trying to let them handle their own battles instead of me jumping to the rescue.

"Little" things are not "big" things anymore. I have enough "big" things to consume my daily life. There really is no room to let the little things get the best of me. Now when it does come to those "big" issues, I knock, kick, and cry, and pray, pray, pray. I turn to God, my Rock and my Help. I get out my Bible that is falling apart because I refuse to get a new one, and read the 2,000 year old self-help book that God left me. And then, I message my friends. And then, I usually put it on Facebook. (Yes, I do. Why? Because I don't live quietly. I live God out loud. That's how I'm wired.)

 

Rain puddles, back porch sittin', impromptu dances, happy hour runs to Sonic, pajama and popcorn days.....yeah, we really do all that around here. Why? Because aHUS can suddenly cause my body to turn on itself and shut down and then tomorrow may not be. I mean, none of us are promised tomorrow. I guess for some of us, we just use tomorrow before it gets it here. 

"Therefore, I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, not about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather  into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" Matthew 6: 25-27

 

I am learning to make the most of what life path God has me own. Even on the worst scenario, I bet ya I can find a positive out of it. I have to laugh to keep from crying sometimes. With as much "life" that can happen in the days of our lives, I have to make sure that I lived that one day for Jesus.  The most important thing for my day is not did I get the vegetable soup stain out of the carpet (sorry, Emily) or is the perfect Pinterest project complete, but it is did I point my life to Jesus? Did I teach my kids scripture? Did I show love to the least of them? Did I make the most of the breath I was given?

 



I Ain't As Crazy As You Think

 I hit the "publish" button Wednesday night, talked to Jesus a little, and then went to sleep. When I woke up Thursday morning, I was afraid to look at my phone. I had no idea what kind of response I was going to face to my post exposing my "worst self." I said a little prayer and prepared my heart and picked it up. To my surprise, I had an overwhelming amount of positive text messages and inbox messages of "thank you's" and encouragements. Some said they could never be so brave as so share that much. Others said my words echo their own. Others told me they thought they were the only ones who ever felt that way.

 

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read each message. I wanted to have a "group" meeting so we could lift each and every burden up to Heaven. But can I tell you what pained my heart even more?  It was the couple of negative (out of I'd say 150 or so positive) comments that I heard through the grapevine. None of these were said directly to me, of course. Comments to the nature of, "Why would she say such things? Those things are to be kept private." Or, my favorite, "Doesn't she know how that makes her look? What must her family think?"  Naturally, I have an answer to those questions or I would have never put it out there in the first place.

 

Three years ago I was ministry leader for Celebrate Recovery here in Brookhaven. CR is a Christ-centered twelve step program that covers a wide range of problems. During that time I came across a Scripture in training one night that opened a new world for me. You see so many times we wonder "why is this happening to me?" I cried out that question so many times to God. And out of the blue, in a meeting, His words jumped off the page and into my heart.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. "  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

 There it is right there! There's my answer to "why me?" It is so that I will learn from God how to make it through the trouble and learn to depend on Him through that struggle. Then I can pass what I learned and how I was comforted along to a person struggling with the same thing. Example: mother loses child to ATV accident. Who knows best her pain than another mother who lost a child to an ATV accident. See my point? So, this Scripture gives me the full go-ahead to share my struggles with depression, suicide, my children, my marriage, my everything, WITHOUT SHAME. I am not doing anybody any favors my keeping God's comfort for myself, and if I keep quiet, He most certainly will not get the glory He so rightfully deserves.

 

And as for keeping quiet, well, there is another answer I have for that, too. My older two girls can testify for me that I have preached to them to never, ever, tried to hide anything from me because eventually it will be found out. Shelli has lived long enough to see that play out through some friends' lives and understands what I've been saying all this time...there are NO SECRETS in this world.

"For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known.  Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops." Luke 12: 2-3

 

And FYI, those are Jesus' words, not mine! They are in red. So, if what He speaks is truth, and I believe it is, then there is nothing that is hidden. It will all come out in the wash as they say. He goes on to tell the disciples who not to fear man but they should really fear Him, the one who has the power over their eternity. And that's right. I am not afraid of what people think, though I do care because I don't want to deter them so much that they don't want to hear what good I might have to say. Let me be clear, though, I am not afraid of gossip or untrue opinions as long as I know that I am ministering the way God wants me. Believe me, I would much prefer the easier life of travel speaking and writing books. Instead, he has me sharing my heart, after the babies are long in LaLa Land, through a blog that may reach a few thousand people.

 

I may be crazy, but I ain't crazy for sharing my heart in order for God to get his glory! If I don't share my struggles, then what it is there purpose? To make my faith stronger. Ok. So make it stronger to sit and do nothing with it? I could ask you many questions and I will always come back to the same answer. I must share my stories and my struggles in order to share my God and how active and living He is in my life. I know this God and this Jesus and this Holy Spirit very intimately. I have spent hours alone with them. They are too good to be kept on a hard pew on Sunday morning. They want to ride with you to your doctor's appointment jammin' out to some LeCrae or Mandissa. Yeah, they can jam.

 

Think what you want to think. But know that what I wrote is not current thoughts. Yes, our life is over-whelming and difficult right now, and it even seems pretty desperate. But this too shall pass and become yet another chapter in the Days of the Lives of the Pedens so we comfort others the way we have been comforted. Hang on my friends, hang on! 

 

 



Please Don't Ignore

In light of Robin William's recent death, there is much talk of suicide and depression. I confessed on Facebook about my thoughts of suicide because many asked the question of "how can someone think there is no way out other than suicide?" Well, unless you have 'walked in those shoes', it is not something you will understand. It is kinda like the world trying to understand why Christians think the way we think...  So, I was thinking that I would try to give an insight into what my thoughts were, sometimes still are, for a day. You can insert daily tasks, children, errands, and life wherever you feel like in between the run-on sentences and poor grammar. But maybe, just maybe, you will get an idea of a depressed brain.

 

My days and thoughts started as follows:

 

Crap. It's morning. I don't want to get up. Is there someone here that can deal with the kids? I would rather just stay here in the covers. Wonder if I will find bruises today. I already know I don't have the energy to make it. Please don't let them wake up right now. Please let them sleep late so I can enjoy being awake, just a little. There is so much to do today. Do I have a doctor's appointment today? I hope not. I'm so tired of being a pin cushion. The house is never clean. I can't get it clean enough. I am a horrible housekeeper, which makes me a horrible mother. Everybody else's house is clean, and smells good. Why can't mine? Why can't I get it together like everybody else? Why am I run ragged? No no no. They are awake! Can't somebody take them away for the day, or forever. I don't feel like being momma day. I don't wanna cook for me, much less them. What kind of mother am I for not wanting to take care of her kids? You don't deserve to live. You can't take care of them. Half of the time you are wondering what you're gonna feed them anyway. You should have never had them. You have ruined their lives by your choices. You stayed with Keith. You should have left. You deserve this. You deserve this punishment. You deserve this miserable life. You deserve everything you have brought on yourself. But they don't. And you did it to them. You only had Shelli and Marli, and then you had two more. What were you thinking? How could you bring two more lives into your miserable being much less this horrible world? You have ruined their lives. They are going to hate you. They are going to leave and never come back. Somebody stop the screaming! I can't take it! I don't want to hear it! I just can't take it! Just leave. Just walk away from it all. Keith can take care of them. Or Shelli. Somebody will. Just leave and start a new life. You are horrible. You sound just like the mother who gave you away. She gave away five, and now you want to walk away from four. You are a worthless human being. You are no better than the worse thought you ever had about her. How can you even think about leaving these precious babies? They are gifts and you just want to walk away! You are despicable. What time is it? Is the day over yet? I can't make it any longer. My mind and heart is so tired. Everybody is demanding so much of me. Why do they think I am so strong? I am not. I am screaming for help and nobody is hearing me. Other than saying I want to die, I don't know how else to say it. I am so weak. I am so lonely. I need a friend. I see everybody else with friends, and I have no one. Nobody invites me to go anywhere. I sit here and listen to the stories. I don't have any stories. I am so tired. I want friend. I want somebody to take care of me. I miss momma. She left too soon. What's the best way to do it? I can't do it during the day because the babies would be home alone. I want it to work when I do it. I don't want a mess up. I don't want to burden anybody with a vegetable. I can't do it before school lets out because Marli will freak if I'm not there. What will she do when I'm gone? Who's gonna watch out for her? I guess if I kill myself all the work will be on Shelli. Ugh. I can't even die in peace!!!Can't somebody help me around here? Everything is on me. My mind can't stop. There is no quiet in my head. It's like a tilt-a-whirl that never lets you off. I'm so tired. I wish somebody would here me. I hate this new normal I have. I hate being the sick one. I hate living knowing that I'm going to die. I know we all are, but it is more of a reality for me. I hate watching for bruises and wondering what my platelet count is. Will I live to see Cooper and Aubri grow up? If I die now, will they even know me? I can't stop thinking about it. Will they hate me for always being sick? I resented my momma and her family for always being sick. Who's to say my kids won't resent me? The thought makes me just want to end it now because at least it will be quick and not slow like the disease. Make it stop. God, do you hear me? Why don't you help me? Give me a break God! I don't want to get Marli from school. God all she does is cause problems. I just can't deal with her. If she wasn't my child I would hate her. How can I think that? I am supposed to have unconditional love. I am a seriously messed up human being. I need help. I know that. Please somebody help me. If she pops off  I may hurt her. I'm afraid of myself. I'm horrible. How can I possibly want to hurt my child? But at the same time I understand why kids are thrown into garbage kids. I get it. Oh my. I'm sick just like they are. I understand how they can go off, Lord.  I understand their anger. Why am I made like this?

 

 

Do you get the point? I stopped my thoughts at about 3:00 p.m. before would get Marli from school. All day long thoughts race through your head. Awful thoughts. Those thoughts lead to guilt. Those thoughts lead to a very dark place. That place provides a space for suicide. Day after day after day. Night after night after night. EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW BETTER! I even went so far as to write little "notes" of good-byes to a few people, starting with Keith and the kids. If I could have figured out a sure-fire way of making it happen, I may not be here today. But thankfully, God made me a detailed, analytical person and I thought too hard. And I had just enough faith left each night to hang on until the next morning.

 

You see, I thought I was abandoned by God because my troubles were so abundant. God never left me. Satan had such a hold on my thoughts that it was a real spiritual warfare (see Ephesians 6) going on in my head. Keith took me to St. Dominic's to the psych ward and I had a little vacation and some time in "group." I "got out" on December 23 just before Christmas this past year. (Just to push the point that nobody notices, only ONE person noticed that I did not make a post on FB for those several days and she was the ONLY one that even asked what was going on besides the few that were told after the fact. Thank you, Mrs. Lynn.) Those few days in the hospital gave me lots of time to think about what was wrong with me. The best conclusion I came to was "acceptance." I needed to accept the life and path God was sending me down. I didn't want to do it, but I had to in order to make it.

 

Life has certainly not let up. Right after I was release, I really did almost die from blood clots in my lungs. (Game changer! I almost got my wish.) Life is not going to let up. I must accept the day to day, and I must stay close to God. I must believe what He has promised and I must cling with everything that I have in me to His Word. I must scream at Him when no one else hears me. He hears me. I know He does.

 

This is as raw and as honest as I can be. I know this is a long one, and it is very personal. But I beg of you, please, please, please share this. Not for my sake, but for someone else's. I guarantee someone else is sitting in the dark scrolling through and thinking some, if not all, of the same thoughts. It just may help or save someone from going through it.

"Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord--that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful." James 5:11

DON'T GIVE UP!

 

Angels Among Us

WARNING: Dear Friends and Family, If you are embarrassed by me and Keith airing it on social media, the Piggly Wiggly still has paper bags for you to put over you head. This is the way we minister, by being transparent. Our lives are an open book, even the ugly parts.

 

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another." Romans 12:9-10

If I could say one thing about this week it is that it has been beyond crazier than our crazy normal! It has been a full time job chauffeuring Keith and Marli to and from softball practices and doctors appointments (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday).  Keith cannot be left alone because of the seizures so we have to make sure he is being "watched" at all times. I had to go to Jackson this week for my treatment. The little babies have been in tow, along with Keith, watching movies while in the car and playing in the dirt at the softball complex. Aubri, meanwhile, decides this week, of all weeks, that she wants to potty like a big girl. So, we have pottied in parking lots, on the grass and at all available restrooms. Of course, Cooper still goes where he pleases regardless of where we are and who is around. Just hustle, hustle, hustle.

 

Behind the scenes this week, though, we have had some very rough times, and I have scuffed the bottom rocks quite a few times. To begin, Keith had his MRI's of his shoulder and brain and also his EEG. The praise is that there are no tumors causing these seizures of his, which are at least two a day at this point. His EEG showed "strong epileptic waves".  For now, until we can see a neurologist sometime in August, his problem is being labeled "epilepsy unspecified." As for his shoulder, he is doing a little therapy to reduce the swelling, but it will need an operation. We just do not know if the plan is to scope it or cut it.

 

We are fine with all the medical and health issues. The hard issues are the financial issues. (Warning: Here comes the ugly that may embarrass some.) One of the worst this week was being turned away at the doctor's office because we did not have the money for the co-pay. Yeah. Really. You know, you don't have insurance, they won't see you. Then you work hard to have insurance, and they still won't see you. I cannot tell you how devastating and embarrassing it was to pack up the kids and walk out of that office, knowing how important it was that your husband get the medical care he needed. I can only imagine what it did to him as a husband, as father, as a man. But praise be to God that there were angels among us who made it happen so that he could get the medical care he needed and now he is at least on medicine for the seizures until he gets checked out by the neurologist.

 

I have watched Keith suffer in such agony and pain since July 8th, much more so than when he had his heart attacks. Those were over and done with in a blink of an eye, but this is lingering pain, not to mention what came on Wednesday. I took Keith by the office in order that he could update his boss on what all was going on with his health and all the work he was working on at home. Because I have to drive Keith, I just went in and sat in the office while they talked. I overheard two men trying to do the best they could to do the right thing in this matter...one trying to be a godly employer and friend, and the other trying to be a godly husband, father, and provider for his family hanging on with everything he had to his job. We left. Of course, I was crying and slinging snot from one side of the car to the other. I told Keith that he had to trust me on this. He had to leave his job on faith. He has been out three weeks now and his working from home was not benefitting anyone. It was causing undue stress on everyone at the office and him. His boss was too good of a man to tell him that. So, as of today, Friday, Keith is no longer employed. His boss has been angel among us for almost four and a half years now.

 

My children have had to hear the word "no" about getting things they want more times than I would like to count. My heart hurts to tell them no, even though if I had the money I would never give them everything they want, but I would like to say "yes", just sometimes. Well, it is school time which means t-shirt time, school supply time, backpack time, new shoes time, school clothes time, etc. According to my check book "ain't nobody got time fo dat!"  God has His school time angels in play because school supplies will be handled. T-shirts have been purchased. School and college is going to be okay because of angels that I love. Some I know; some I do not know. Certainly, there are angels among us.

 

Thursday, treatment day, is MY day. Sadly enough, I look forward to my Thursdays even though I get poked and prodded and infused. It means I get girl time with my driver, Leslie, and usually I get to eat at least one meal without a child climbing on me. This last treatment was different. I was busy on my phone almost the entire time responding to encouraging text messages and Facebook posts from my friends, my angels. I was being showered with love and prayer and scripture when I needed it most. God sent angels to lift me up. Our angel Pawpaw Robert came and babysat and did the chauffeuring while I was away. One angel named Robyn even cooked my family the best poppy seed chicken I have ever eaten.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15 

I have been so broken this week, and usually I am not. Leslie said the whole time she has known me she has never heard me cry out loud...until this week. Everything seems to be happening at once to me. I have one baby moving to college. I have one baby with issues I will not discuss here. I have one baby, my last baby, potty training. Keith is having random seizures. Surgery for his shoulder looms overhead. Now no income. Life is happening, and I have not been able to wrap my mind around it as fast as it has been happening this week. I hopped on the lawn mower this evening to cut the grass and to slow my thoughts down.

 

(Another disclaimer: I do apologize if this sounds like complaining or a pity party because it is not. I only tell you these things in order that God may get the glory for the great things He has done.)

 

At times this week I have felt so alone, and I have cried out to God in tears and in anger. But I can do that because He cares for me. He is there for me, and He knows my thoughts and He knows my heart's desires and longings. He knows I love Him and I will serve Him no matter what comes my way. He lets me "get it out." He is that kind of Father. He knows exactly what I need and when I need it. He knew I needed my angels especially this week. He prompted them at the exact times I needed someone. Yes, indeed, there are angels among us.

A Peden Angel says, "Here we go again."



There's a Reason That Bunny is Pink

Whew! For mommas it just never ends, no matter what life is throwing it at ya. Don't yell me for leaving those dandy dads out, I know some push to the edge, too. I'm speaking from a momma's heart, from my heart.

 

Before you are a mom, you think about you and your husband. I can look back now and see how easy life was before our first child, Shelli, entered our lives. (There is no regret in that statement. DON'T hear what I'm NOT saying!) We could hop in the car and go wherever we wanted to go and whenever the urge hit. When we lived in Gulfport, we could come home on a whim. The packing was much easier, and it was tremendously cheaper to eat out with just the two of us. I'm not just talking McDonalds either. We could even eat a "fork" meal without breaking the bank. You know, the kind of meal where you actually have to use a utensil, like Captain D's or even better, a buffet, like Ryan's.  Hey! Don't judge. Those were fancy to us back in the day.

 

But then one child, then two, entered the picture. Life changed dramatically. Just making a Wal-Mart run was an act of Congress. Now, I had to actually make sure two other people stayed alive and hopefully made it to adulthood. I had to decide what to feed them, and what they had to wear. I had to make sure they were healthy and were safely in bed in each night. I had to make sure they got some kind of education and that they were safe getting that education. Oh my! And I still had to make all those decisions for me, and Keith, and work, and do this, and do that, and the so many other things that makes life happen.

 

Those were the physical things. This did not include how hard my heart was working. When I was pregnant, every single thought revolved around that precious little one inside me. I thought about that one time and was instantly overwhelmed at how I something (someone) could consume my every thought, my entire being. Only a mother can understand that, or a teenager concentrating on "the one!" My heart was working equally as hard as my body. It was just as exhausting to love these children God gave to me as it was to care for them. I woke up with them on my mind and went to bed with them on my mind. Most every spare moment was filled with thoughts about Shelli and Marli. I would worry and cry. I would remember and smile. I would remember the messes and get frustrated all over again. Oh, being a mother was so hard.

 

Then, there came Cooper, my blond-haired, blue-eyed boy blessing! Two years later, here came the do-over of Shelli, little Aubri K'Ceal. If you lost count, this makes four! Not six, eight, and certainly not 19 and counting, but four! I just thought life was busy. During all the years we had plenty of life changes and challenges, but the greatest challenge for me as a mother came after Aubri was born.

 

I was diagnosed with a very rare blood disorder called atypical hemolytic syndrome. She was barely eight weeks old when I went to the emergency room. When I dropped her off with Keith's sister, Angie, I had no idea I was leaving her for 28 days. I had no idea my children would not get to visit me in the hospital. I had no idea what I was facing. My body was enduring tremendous physical trauma, but my heart, oh my heart, was enduring so much more.

 

For the first time ever, I could not care for them. I had to entrust them to others. I mean totally entrust them to others. Think about this as a mother for a moment...you know this is your last "baby." You are already mourning and cherishing every "first last" moment with this child. Then to leave her, when every single day her face will change and she will learn to coo and to make different expressions. You mothers know what I'm talking about if you have already had your "last baby."  Aubri was just part of the picture. Shelli got braces. I had to decide on homeschool curriculum for the older kids. Cooper just knew he missed mommy and daddy.

 

You know what? I had to keep going. God provided me the strength to get through it all, physically and mentally. He did not allow my thoughts to stay in those dark places. He pushed me through and made me focus on the job I had to do. And that was being a mother no matter what was thrown at me. I stayed in the Word, mostly Psalms and Philippians, and listened to praise music to fill my thoughts so I would not drift away where Satan would want me to go. (This is not true of me 100% of the time. I am human. This is simply testimony of those 28 days.) The following I can testify is true:

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things. The things on which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8

We are approaching the two year anniversary of my diagnosis so you can count on more blogs about aHUS and our life since then. But for now, my focus is perseverance as a mother. We just don't get breaks. "Me time" is really non-existent. When you become mom, you become theirs, and "your time" is their time. No matter how many spills happen before 7:30 in the morning, no matter how many times you hear your name called out during the day, no matter how many loads of laundry you have to wash, you must keep going. When you are running a fever of 103.5 and are puking your guts out all over bathroom floor that hasn't been mopped in weeks because you have been the taxi cab for your children and the chef for them and all their friends, you still have to keep pushing through and get up and go again. No matter what life comes your way, you keep going!

 

You might have the greatest husband in the world. You might also have a terrific support system around you to help out with those daily tasks and some baby sitting every now and then in order for you to take off for "mental health" days. But mothers never really take a day off. Even when they are thousands of miles away the mind still organizes their children's days and their hearts wonder if there is a bobo to kiss and make better. Mothers keep going, and going, and going, and going, and....  You know that's why that little bunny is pink, huh?

"She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships. She brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants. She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength , and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches her out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle. She extends her hands to the poor, yet she reaches out her hand to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants. Strength and honor are her clothing. She shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her." Proverbs 31:13-28

This woman was busy, y'all. She worked, crafted, cooked, exercised, sewed...she did it all. She gives me many goals to set. Except, I've tried to the sewing and my fingers just won't do it, so I can scratch that one off the list!  And yet apparently, she had plenty of time for her family because her husband and her children love her to death. I pray my family can say the same things about me even though I can barely sew a button on a shirt! I praise God that He gave me strength to keep going when I had none on my own. I praise God that in Him I can find more when I need it!

I am Momma! Hear me roar!

Up at 6:30 a.m. to take the husband to work because the second vehicle is on the outs. Come back to make myself and the little kids a couple of fried eggs and toast for breakfast. Cooper is putting on his "football" shoes to go outside and play but there are knots in them so this ensues a fit. Don't worry. Momma fixes it. Aubri looses her drink and pa pa (paci). Momma distracts her. Breakfast is ready. Coop actually eats. Momma and Aubri sit down to share, and Aubri spits egg out everywhere! Okay. Moving on. Breakfast over. Coop and Aubri are playing, well, big brother is bullying little sister around like none other. Momma trying to get some Bible time in for the day. Aubri decides she wants her drink which no one can find. Up and down Momma goes trying to keep some calm in the house while she tries to read. No sign of sippie cup so Momma gets another. Aubri decides she wants in Mommas lap. Okay. Cooper decides he wants "coke" instead of the "koolaid" Momma fixed him. This begins the fit that he is currently throwing right now in the middle of the floor screaming, " I WANT COKE!!!!!" Aubri is still climbing all over Momma even though Momma relocated to the couch. Momma is TIRED!

 

Does this sound familiar to you? As a mom, or dad for that matter, there are a million things begging for our attention during the day. I know for me, almost each and every time that I begin clean the kitchen or vacuum the living room or do anything, a  kid catastrophe is going to happen that will interrupt me and call my attention elsewhere. This leads to the "I'm never gonna get anything done around here if you don't leave me alone" frustrated attitude from me. Spilled milk, wet diaper, "she's touching me", "that's mine".....you know the kind of stuff that really is minor in the big scheme of things but when you deal with enough of it by 9:00 a.m., it tends to be multiplied by one million and quickly becomes major in Momma World? Like just now, my hang-up organizer just fell down for the ump-tenth time!

 

Why does all this little stuff add up so quickly? I have all the "major" stuff on the brain as well. For example, the husband has nerve damage in his back and is in excruciating pain. He doesn't work...we have no income. Stress for him, stress for us. My wife heart aches for him. Another "major", oldest daughter moving to college. Momma is trying to ignore this one for now. Another, we have a fourteen-year-old. Enough said on that one. Yet another, I have an incurable blood disorder that causes many different symptoms that I don't have time to deal with because "I am Momma. Hear me roar!"

 

Those are just samples of what is going on in my life at the current time. Not everything. The point is we all have things, many, many things, big and small, that encompass our lives. And what I noticed today flipping through my Bible trying to get a Word from Jesus is that I am not prepared for the battle of the day. At one point I looked at Cooper and said, "What in the devil is wrong with you today?"  Wouldn't you know I was in the Book of Ephesians, Chapter 6. It was the devil!

 

"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil . For we do not wrestle against the flesh and blood, but against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.  Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." Eph. 6: 10-13

You see, I wasn't prepared for this "evil day". I did not get up and put on the whole armor of God. To tell you the truth, I just got up and didn't prepare for battle at all. Satan will use any tactic he can to get in the middle of you and God. Yes, even those precious little babies. The Kool-Aid is spilled leads to your aggravation, leads to your maybe yelling at the kids, leads to the kids crying, leads to their spirits being crushed, leads to your guilt of being a terrible parent, leads to your yelling again because your down in the dumps.....over dramatic? Maybe. But Satan is smart and tactical. And you know this scenario is certainly possible.

Don't think for one second that you can get up each day and not prepare yourself for battle with Satan. You cannot get up and fight without God and His armor. Even if there is a lull in the war on a particular day and everything is going smoothly, you still need to be prepared for an attack of Satan and his armies. This verses of scripture are well known, but commonly taken for granted.

"Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked  one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the spirit being watchful to the end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints." Eph. 6:14-18

I praise God that He has given me this insight that I'm not fighting my children (or husband, boss, friends, or _______). He tells me right there in Ephesians that it is the dark forces that I need to be prayed up for and to be prepared to fight against during the day. Moral of the story: get up earlier than the demons and read the Battle Plan (Bible).